Monday, 21 May 2012

Re(peatedly)filling the Tank

I recall my primary school days. It was a common practice at primary 6, before graduation, to buy a pretty autograph book and pass it around the class for our classmates and teachers to write their contact details and a message for the friendship. It was always nice to accumulate as many entries as possible because somehow, that made us, or at least, me, feel accepted. It was a sign that assured me that I was well-loved, giving my self-esteem some boost. But that 'love' never lasted and after all the "frenz 4eva" that were written throughout the book, not many of those friendships stood the test of time. Friends even turned on one another in secondary school even though they had been good friends in primary. That love wasn't real. Yet, for that moment it was received, it did give the security we all longed for as creatures searching for love. 

In our modern times, as mature adults... maybe not so mature after all... our autograph books have evolved into Facebooks. Some keep blogs to express their emotions, their pains and struggles. The most wonderful thing about Facebook, in my opinion, is that it allows for interaction. I post something and people can 'like' what I say and add a comment. People respond. Thankfully, there isn't a 'dislike' option because that would make Facebook so much less secure a space. 

But notice how for many, these online spaces have become a testing ground for our 'like-ability'. How many friends actually bother to read my updates? Who agrees with me? Whose support do I have? Who has read my blog posts and left a comment? Who is comforting me after reading about my sadness? Who is sharing my joy and happy moments? Definitely, such online spaces like Facebook can be used for many good purposes too, including evangelical ones. Blogger now has the function of tracking the number of views each blog posts has, and YouTube has the most concise breakdown of views in various graphs and chats, tracking even to the detail of which country those views were recorded in!! Map provided!!

Some times, most subtly, such spaces have become for us a burden because we begin to depend heavily and most unsuspectingly on them for affirmation, love, acceptance, etc... quelling our insecurities momentarily. And what if our posts do not receive the responses we had hoped for? Disappointment, self-doubt, loneliness, melancholy.

But is that all the love we can get? Is this all the love we deserve? Does such love satisfy? If it does, why then do we always have to keep refilling the tank of our hearts that seem rather easily emptied out after the effects of the affirmations through all these means have worn out?

True love, once given, needs no refilling or replenishing. And such a love has only one Source - God. The fullness of God in our hearts satisfies and fills us completely. With God's love, we know that all other sources are inferior. Nothing can match up to the love of God. Yet, this can only be an abstract knowledge if one has not experienced this love. Such an abstract knowledge cannot possibly be convincing at all. 

God's love is not easily found although it is given to all. It is not easily found because our hearts are cluttered with too many distractions. Once these are cleared, we can be more disposed to receive the love of God that has always been there, knocking at the door of our hearts, waiting for our attention amidst so many other loves. We must first desire for God's love.

But do we want God's love?
How dearly do we want this love of God? 
If we truly want God's love, then all other sources, all other forms of 'love' must exit from our hearts and lives, and be kept this way. 
The problem and the challenge is... Are we willing to let go of the temporary securities, experience a period of complete uncertainty and insecurity, before gaining the perpetual security of dwelling for the rest of our lives and beyond in the love of God? 
Do we dare to take this turn?

21 May 2012, Monday

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