An attempt to articulate what I cannot articulate
|Main chapel of Xavier Retreat House, Cheung Chau, Hong Kong|
My infinite God,
When I attempt to gather my days of retreat experiences before Your Blessed Sacrament, desiring to present them all to You, to give thanks and praise You for Your wonderful gift to me, I instead find myself helplessly unable to utter anything that satisfies my need to express all I have inside. Silently, in my heart, with the resounding grandeur of a full choir, I sing a song of my undeserving reception of all the things You've done for me. Yet, even music fails me now.
How can I say thank you to You then, my infinite God? When You so choose to silence me with Your infinite infinity? All I want is to say thank you, that all I've been through in this retreat have been so beautiful; Your precious gift to me. But no matter what I say or sing, whatever words I can string together to express how I truly feel about these days, nothing, absolutely nothing seems to be able to describe my sentiments, my experiences, the You I've encountered. Nothing quite exact or even close.
How then do I express myself and all I have within me that You have stirred up, trying to find an exit to be released? How can my poor thank you reach You? All I am capable of now is to remain helplessly before You, while Your infinity pierce right through me.
Yet, Lord, after my impatient listening to the overwhelming sound of Your infinity and enduring its penetration into the depths of my being, maybe it is okay now for me to say thank you. Maybe You're not wanting me to reach Your infinity but to let me be filled with Your divine reality, so that I may know more fully that You are my God. The God of my experiences, the God of my retreat.
And so now, my dear infinite God, I don't mean to say that these words are enough but they are all I can offer to You in my own little human way. For these days of retreat, of encountering You in the most unforgettable way, Lord, thank You.