Although I have been to the Life in the Spirit Seminar twice in my teens, I have never rested in the Spirit until the first praying over at CER. I desired so much to experience this ‘resting’, for God to remove all obstacles that hinder in my loving Him and His people. I wanted to surrender entirely to Him and this has been a struggle for me who always finds the need for control and certainty.
During the first praying over, as we worshiped in songs, I directed all my attention to Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. I sang and worshiped with my entire being, with everything I had, like never before. At times, I thought about the people who have hurt me and I cried. At other times, flashes of past scenes in which I had very deep encounters with God’s love came to mind and the tears fell like rain again. In those tears, I felt the faithful love of God for me, the assurance that His love has not changed one bit. It was liken to an old couple sitting in the porch reminiscing their courtship experiences and their love for each other. There were moments I turned to Mary and to my favourite saints, asking for their unceasing prayers. I felt Mary’s maternal love overwhelming me within.
When Fr. William prayed over me, I rested in the Spirit. Lying there on the floor, I was conscious of my surroundings. People have told me previously that when we rest in the Spirit, we will be immobile and unconscious of our surroundings. My mind started to notice, analyze and evaluate what was going on that time. Then, I told myself to stop thinking and just be surrendered. And after I did this, I had an image of a big field of tulips. In the middle of that field, I was there, dancing, spinning around, jumping. Free, liberated, light, full of peace and with joy overflowing. I had a big smile on my face.
A while later, I saw in my mind and felt Jesus walking to me on my right. He squatted down next to me. For the past one year, I have been becoming increasingly weary spiritually and for some weeks before the CER, I had wanted so much to be that little girl in the Gospel who Jesus raised from the dead. I was hoping for Jesus to somehow raise me from my growing spiritual death, which I just could not get out off on my own. So when Jesus came to squat next to me, this longing I have been feeling came to mind and I felt like that girl at last. Soon later, Jesus said very distinctly, “We have work to do.” I did not know what He meant but He’s slowly revealing it to me.
(to be continued…)