What would you be feeling if you knew of someone, newly wed, whose spouse has just been diagnosed with fourth-stage cancer?
If you are like me, you might find yourself sighing. Sighing because it is such a waste. The new graduate has a whole life ahead full of opportunities and possibilities. The couple has just begun their lifetime together, only to have their hopes and dreams shattered at such an early stage.
On board the airplane, stuck on the runway in the long queue of planes taking off, my mind could not help but wander, wondering if the plane ride would be safe. What if there was going to be a mishap? What if this ride would mark the end of my earthly journey?
It is tempting and natural to question what God's plan is for this graduate, this couple. Why does He place them on a new beginning, complete with hope, just to snuff out this same hope, leading them to a dead end?
If my life were to end in that plane ride, will I not also be questioning what really is this God doing to me? It is as if He breathed life into me without a purpose, and takes me out before I can contribute or accomplish anything substantial at all. What then is my training for, my education, my struggles and growth, my learning and maturing? What then are my gifts for? What then is my life for? If it were meant for such a smallness? Then, as I recall how it is said that God delights in His people, I must also arrive at the conclusion that this God must be out of His mind to delight in a life so minute.
But perhaps not. Perhaps there exists a far more profound way of finding God in our lives than what meets the eye.
And I found myself arriving at the point of no regrets. That if I were to know my end would be so near, and my accomplishments so negligible, I would still have chosen the path I have chosen for the past 3 years of my life. Of walking ever more closely with Jesus. Of struggling against my many weaknesses and sinfulness to clear out the clutter in my heart so as to enter into a deeper union with Him. Of hanging on each time the cross became so burdensome and illogical. Of returning each time I roamed off on my own. Of standing up after each painful fall. Of giving what I consider this bit my all.
Because despite my perfect imperfections, to enter into this relationship, to grow deeper and deeper in this loving and most beautiful relationship, is to enter into life itself, is to become more and more alive, is to infiltrate the mystery of God's divinity to encounter a love that is beyond all human experience.
It is as if suddenly, nothing else matters any more. My end and even my vocation do not matter, be it how or when or where. Suddenly, what my future holds for me lost its power to alter the preciousness of my life journey. For what stands in the spotlight of my life must be my relationship with the God who walks on with me and in each moment of my present, it is how I encounter and respond to His many disguises that gives depth to the purpose of my existence.
It does not matter, though we still feel sad, that a religious who has just returned from his studies is suddenly struck with a terminal illness. Because the focus is no longer on the quantity of his putting to use all he has received in his formation but on the quality of his daily witnessing to the world of a God so easily forgotten. Because whatever the vocation, the state of life, the stage of life... all are for one single purpose - to come to know God more intimately, love Him more ardently and to walk more closely in all His ways. And if this is lived for everyday, then we will be contented and at peace.
Are you contented and at peace?
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