It is quite common though unjust that the consequences of a person's faults are more often than not borne by someone else.
A father comes home after a hard day's work with his baggage of stress, frustrations and battles in politics, and is too tired to really give his wife and children loving attention, passing on the stress and frustrations to the wife and children.
A teacher goes home after being a teacher, disciplinarian, parent, babysitter, clerk, secretary, money-lender, money-collector, admin manager etc etc etc and is simply too frustrated and drained out to coach his/her own children in their studies and life. The frustration is passed on to the children while the stress and tiredness are passed on to their children's teachers.
A regular Singaporean gets off from the mad rush to enter another mad rush on the road back home and impatiently honks at the driver in front for "taking off" a second slower, passing on the anger and frustration onto the other driver.
This evening, I saw very clearly in my life today how I have also contributed to this "passing on" of negativities. I encountered a very unreasonable, irresponsible and calculative woman, the mother of two children. The saddest part is that the child shares the same character traits as her, thus, continuing the vicious cycle of being a nuisance to peoples' lives. While I'm one of the last to get irritated by her, the truth and shame is that I did. Not only did it irritate me so badly, I transferred the resentment onto the 39 innocent kids as I pulled a super long face into class and needless to say, there was no goodness I taught, only a raging fire burning within. And the most significant victim of these is none other than my Jesus.
By the time I stepped into church to pray, I could not pray or connect with Jesus as I would normally. In my heart laid a stubborn mountain of anger and resentment, frustration and exasperation. Have you ever experienced similar feelings and situations before? I knew I needed God's grace to deliver me from my inability to let go and forgive. I asked for help and help was what I was blessed with.
"Why are you letting her affect your relationship with Jesus? Which is more important? Jesus is far more important than her, isn't it? Your relationship with Jesus is far greater than your anger for her. If He is truly so important, then let no one affect this relationship. If He is truly the only One who matters, then hold on to Him, don't lose Him."
The words "don't lose Him" hit me with great impact. Deep within, I really am unwilling to lose Him. Therefore, I had to lose everything and everyone else that came between Him and I. Emptying myself of all the bad made space for peace once again.
In my own weakness, I allowed the devil into my heart and life when I allowed anger and resentment to seep in continuously and fester in my heart. And I lived for many hours of the day as if God is totally non-existent in my life, as if I had never known or experienced Him. This is so familiar; this is the way the devil plots our separation from God, through every door of weakness gone unattended without a watchman to guard it safe. And he comes like a thief, silently creeping, tiptoeing and without anyone's notice. We need to nab him quick and early but this is so difficult. If we are like security guards who are always sleeping in front of the CCTV screens, occasionally waking to monitor that few minutes before heading back to snooze-land, we will miss the moment the burglar enters. We will be robbed of everything valuable and left a pauper, a spiritual pauper, a body without a soul.
So watch out, be on alert at all times, know which doors are frequented by the sneaky beasts and guard them with the Spirit of God, prompting us softly and gently, alerting us especially when the door first squeaks open, nudging us to shut it back tightly. Call the Locksmith, each time, asking Him to build another lock to each of these doors. Otherwise, like in Monster Inc. the movie, take door by door and shred them, the door of weakness, and never again allowing the monster through the closet. Rebuild the door that is life-giving, even if it means to suffer the blisters like Mike in the movie did.
When were the times you participated too in this transference of nastiness? Who had to suffer as a result? Who was the ultimate victim? Who is the most important? What are our priorities? What truly matters in this life and after? I am fully certain that when I one day reach heaven, I will be so overwhelmed in the ecstasy of being in God's infinitely loving presence that even if I were to see that woman there, I would not even remember today's incident!! How insignificant actually is what we think is significant...!!
God bless you all, now and always.
Wednesday 6 April
9.49pm
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