Being the first day of school, I was running through the school rules and my class rules with the kids. And I found myself saying to them (paraphrased), "We all know what we should and should not do, what decisions to make in the face of right and wrong. But the funny thing about us is that we tend to sway towards the side we know we should not and don't want to take. I don't know why." Recounting, the topic of "addiction" comes to mind.
Who does not know that addictions are bad? A child is taught at a tender age of this reality and the discipline he must have in order to prevent even the accidental onset of addictions. At times, like Goofy, we do not even realise when we have gotten ourselves hooked, until we wind in the line. Are there addictions that do not harm one person at the very least? Addictions to nicotine, alcohol, gambling, just to name a few. Yet, the very fact that these are classified as addictions warns us too that they are also very difficult to say "no" to, once we are hooked. But what logic does this make then of a person who consents to the very act that he or she knows fully well will harm? What makes a person go on gambling away his pension although he recognises the negligible probability of his wins ever balancing or surpassing the account of his losses? What makes addictions so addictive?
I find this picture of a fish looking at the worm very intriguing. It is particularly striking to see how it focuses its undivided attention on this worm that is stuck - an easy meal filled with a perceived satisfaction. Will a fish refuse a bait and swim away to hunt for a catch, which is far more tedious, unpredictable and risky? And who would not choose the easy way out of most or every situation, which otherwise demands of us time and energy, dragging us along for a long period of time, and at times, even putting us at a risk we dare not take? Perhaps, the easy way out is so attractive because it allows us to escape from having to face the pain, difficulties, struggles, uncertainties, doubts, fears that we know are hidden, embedded, in our hearts, and which we dare not face. The truth is often so hard to swallow. To know, we then have to act upon, which requires effort to change. Don't we all like nature to take its course? So that life becomes an uncontrollable outcome of this thing called fate?
Relying on something we find pleasure in, something that can momentarily transport our minds into the illusion of a problem-free fairyland, becomes such an easy way out. Thus, one of the reasons of addiction - to run away from something we cannot and are unwilling to face. A jobless man in his 50s takes to alcohol to forget the disappointment and insecurity of being unable to provide for his family. A helpless and desperate teenager from a highly troubled family takes to glue-sniffing to lift himself out of a depression too painful to bear. Another takes to self-mutilation to externalise the intense suffering trapped in his heart that he otherwise does not know how to ease. Then, there are those who spend unending hours playing computer games because in so doing, they have no time left to think about personal issues that will dust up a sandstorm of emotions too painful and too tough to settle and clear thereafter. Underlying all these is the tremendous fear of facing the insurmountable giant called "myself", "my life".
To overcome such addictions is to overcome this great fear of facing ourselves, and thereby, to look into our lives' imperfections. A sentence enclosing within it the prescription for a cure too humanly impossible to drink. Yet, it is, nonetheless, a worthy prescription to attempt. We can, sip by sip, drink the cup that we feel is too far beyond us. If we draw strength and courage from the One who first showed us that all these are possible, when He, for us, accepted amidst His great agony the most bitter cup given Him. The good we cannot do on our own, we can do with God's Divine Help, upon which we can rely for courage, perseverance, patience, understanding, humility, acceptance, and most of all, the grace of healing and forgiveness. May we turn to our Lord in prayer more whole-heartedly, to Him who promised those who seek first His Kingdom that all these other things that we so need will be granted. Our daily bread.
Are there any addictions, trivial or severe, that you might not have noticed?
If you have, what is it revealing to you about you?
4 January 2012, Wednesday
1.53am
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