Dying to Ourselves

There was a crowd of people in a familiar setting, a girl was looking around to see if there were faces she knew. She looked at everyone and suddenly, the person who seemed to have stood next to her for the longest time tapped her shoulder, waved and said, "Hello!" She turned and saw it was a friend. She had looked everywhere else but forgot about the one standing right beside her. How could she have missed out on what was so near? How easy it is to forget to look at what is closest to her. How often do we find ourselves in such a situation where we look everywhere else besides around us?

With our most commonly used excuse "I'm busy", we let the fast momentum of every day sweep us through 24hours after 24hours. We forget to look at our spouse, our family members, our friends and even ourselves. We look more at our work, our colleagues, our clients and bosses as compared to the people who actually really matter to us. Our family - they are the ones who are closest to us; always there to love and understand and therefore, it is easy and convenient to take that love and understanding for granted and allocate less time and attention to them. After all, they are family; they will understand. But precisely that they are precious to us and we are precious to them - shouldn't this precious relationship deserve far more time and attention? 

So often do we hear parents saying, "My daughter doesn't understand me. I don't know why she refuses to listen to me." And more often we hear teens saying, "I cannot talk to my parents. They won't understand what I'm going through. If I tell them my problems, they'll just scold me." The breakdown of relationships arises from the lack of quality time spent together as a result of not realising the significance of such quality time and thus, not drawing the line between work and family, etc. Also, doing things together e.g. going swimming or having a meal does not equate quality time. Couples can plan for a wedding together but it does not mean they are learning anything about each other or loving each other more deeply and completely with each task completed. Ultimately, what distinguishes between time spent and quality time spent is the depth of communication that takes place in the relationship during the activities, which only serves as the platform to serve the purpose of deepening the relationship. A lack of open and honest communication leads to an inability to understand, which then leads one to feel misunderstood, uncared for and resentful towards  the other. The most destructive part of these feelings is that when left alone, they accumulate and it soon builds up a thick layer like the silt that builds up at the bottom of a river. The river will one day overflow when there is a sudden heavy downpour. Similarly, the relationship will take a very bad turn if such negativities are not cleared out. 

So when was the last time we took a good look at the people who really matter to us? During the Shalom part of last Sunday's mass, a family of a mother and 3 grown-up children took turns to walk over to the grand-dad seated in a wheelchair to give him a hug. The old man, though immobile, could not hide his smile after all his grandchildren had hugged him. It was a simple act but to someone, it meant the world. And it is not surprising if at the end of this man's life, he forgets all the money he had once earned and all the achievements he had once attained and with him, he would bring with him the love that his family had extended to him. How often do we refuse someone an act of love because we were shy, we chose not to care or we simply did not have time for it? 

As disciples of Christ, we are called to give attention to details; details into how we treat our brothers and sisters in the Lord. We are called to give attention to those God sends to us every day and be fully present in their presence. It is easy to brush aside someone who needs help when we are engaged in work. It is difficult to remember to pause and attend to this person in need. It is easy to mind our own business and the whole world can revolve out of its course of orbit. It is tough to put the world down for someone whom we are the world to. When we are so frustrated at work, it is easy to lash out at others and be edgy. It is so challenging to get a grip of our emotions and be an instrument of peace amidst the turmoil. This is why Jesus offers us the option of going to Him when we are weary, when the yolk is heavy, so that He can give us rest. Rest not because we go on fussing over our daily chores but rather because we have done His work and have given till we are drained out, then He brings us into His arms again, fills us with His love and goodness so that we are once again recharged to continue carrying our daily crosses. 

It is easier for a camel to enter the eye of a needle than for a man to enter the kingdom of God. We need to practice and perfect our self-denial to be able to carry our crosses. To deny our selfish needs and wants to put others before us. Jesus taught us the greatest love of all is for a man to lay down his life for another. It does not need to take on a literal meaning. Laying down our lives is also self denial. When we're tired, our natural instincts will tell us we do not want to be disturbed and thus, when someone approaches us, we become hostile towards him. Dying to ourselves would require us to put aside our tiredness and shift our focus away from the feeling of tiredness onto the person we are interacting with. When we had a bad day at work, being human, we will be frustrated and when we are driving home in the evening, we take out that frustration onto other road users by honking, scolding, etc. Laying down our lives would require us to let go of the frustration rather than stubbornly holding onto it, and to focus on God once again, to let His peace and calmness fill our hearts and ease our minds so that with what we are given, we can then extend it and give unto others this peace and calmness too. 

Being a disciple entails far more than reading the bible, attending mass and group meetings. It really is about how we live our every day. It is really about how we are spreading the good news of God's love, mercy, forgiveness and redemption to others not by lip services but by living out Christ's example. It is about being what God needs us to be as His instruments so that His work on earth can continue once through the saints and now, through us. Are we going to be part time instruments of God or full time? Are we going to be a disciple only when life is rosy and we are feeling good or are we going to be a friend to Christ even when the going gets tough and when the last thing we ever want to think of at the moment is "others"? How do we respond to God's call to die to ourselves? 

11 August 2010

11.35pm