Focusing on Others or Self

O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; 

This is exactly what (though not exhaustive) makes a good friend. A good friend focuses on the other party and not on himself. He is always on a lookout for his friend rather than for himself. He is always there to console rather than needing consolation.

To seek consolation directs attention to oneself, as opposed to seeking to console, which entails focusing out our attention onto others. To seek consolation is something we do almost everyday. At work, when we are facing some difficulties or when we cant see eye to eye with the management or customers, we feel ill treated and that justice is not done, we head out for lunch, tea time and we start to gossip and complain about our displeasures. Having others complain about the same people or event as us gives us consolation. Having others empathize with our unhappiness makes us feel consoled. The energy in us is focused on gaining attention and easing the negativities within us, which would actually dissipate on its own too over time. Hence, it serves no purpose and brings no life to anyone whatsoever. 

Wanting, instead, to be a source of consolation to others would take on a 180deg change in mindset. This time, it directs all our energy and attention onto others. We make ourselves available to others in need in the spirit of charity. We set out to ease the sadness and loneliness others may feel in their adversities. We convey God's message by our consolation to others that God has not abandoned them. We extend love to them and make them feel that all is not hopeless; God has seen them and their worries and will take care of them. When we seek out to console, we are saying "yes" to being God's instrument of love, peace and joy. What better and more satisfying purpose is there than to bring back a smile upon another's face; to know that we have made worth our lives for the betterment of another? What gives us a stronger reason to be alive? It does not mean that we ourselves have lives filled with roses. It just means we've made the choice to carry our crosses; not lament or whine about it or boast about it to gain attention, but to see our neighbours as important as ourselves. It doesn't mean that if we don't seek attention and consolation, that we do not love ourselves enough. In fact, it's the contrary. If we really love ourselves, we would go all out to ensure our happiness and if we are really honest to ourselves, we would recognise that by being the source of joy, peace and love to others, only then can we be joyful, at peace and feel loved ourselves. 

It all coincides with the later part of the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi, "It is in giving that we receive." 

23 July 2010

10.37pm