Who is Jesus for Me?

WHO IS JESUS CHRIST FOR ME?

Jesus is love and He has been to me everything that love needs and desires to be for the beloved. He is my God who desires so much for me that He wants me with Him for all eternity, who asks only that I come to know Him and to receive His love not because I deserve His love but that He is love itself and His abundance desires to share Himself with me; to share all He has and all He is with me.

In this pouring out of His infinite, unconditional, selfless and sacrificial love for me, I am drawn increasingly deeper into a relationship with Him, called increasingly to respond to His love with my love for Him. He is God who forgets His own dignity as God and comes running after me to pursue me.

In times of my unfaithfulness, Jesus’ faithful love in His graces to me softens my heart and steers me back to Him. He knows I can only be truly happy when I walk with Him. He left us with the story of the prodigal son so that in moments when my sense of unworthiness keeps Him far at a distance, I can return to the assurance that He stands waiting, looking out into the distance for me, and He cannot wait to wrap the cloak of my identity around me and restore me again as daughter of our Father. He knows I can only be my most authentic self when I live with inner freedom as the person God has made me to be.

In my anger and disappointments with others and at times, even with myself, Jesus comes as a Mediator to persuade me to relent, to understand and to forgive. He knows I will become bitter by accumulating such negativities. In my woundedness, He comes to fill me with His love and life, to comfort and heal my brokenness. His love for me desires to see me whole again and to live a life that is free from the bondage of sin, committed by others and myself.

Jesus sends people into my life to celebrate life’s joys and laughters with me. In times of trouble, He sends help through generous people, even strangers. Through the sacrament of human love that I have come to receive from family and friends, He facilitates my understanding and acceptance of His love for me. When the storms of life threaten me, He invites me to stop running away from the storms but to remain, to learn to stand strong in them with Him as my Anchor, and then to be the beacon of light that shines the way out of the storm for others. Although I am weak and paralysed by fears, Jesus strengthens me and leads me to a more mature faith in Him. His love will endure the pain of watching me struggle through the storms because He knows it is the only way for me to grow.

Though I always fall so short of loving Him, He is the Gardener who toils tirelessly in the garden of my life; overturning plot by plot, patiently planting and pruning, clearing and landscaping. This garden becomes more beautiful each time and may even be the space for others to rest in and receive goodness that will nourish their own lives. Jesus knows that my life is only worth living when it is spent for others.

Jesus is my companion through life. There is no sorrow too deep that His heart has not yet been pierced by, no joy too intense that has never caused His heart to skip a beat, no temptation too strong that He has not yet fought and overcome. He knows everything I experience and if I turn to Him, I will never be found lacking a compassionate listener who fully empathizes with what I am going through. His is the peace through the Eucharist that calms my inner turmoil, the tranquility through nature’s beauty that stills my anxious self, the joy through music that transports me closer to heaven. His is the love, which becomes my energy to love others.

Yet, even with all these and more that Jesus is to me, my response of love can only be an imperfect and incomplete one. And even knowing that this is all I can give to Him, He still continues to be everything that love would be for the beloved because being love itself, Jesus does not know how to be anything else but love.

Who is Jesus for you?

Smiling at the Storm

I asked Jesus to hold my heart in His hands, to wrap His hands around it. 
To protect, to shield, to preserve,... through the stormy sea... 
He not only held my heart there in His hands. He went further, as He always does, to let His love, peace and even joy flow out of His hands into my heart. 
Smiling at the storm is truly possible but only with Jesus. 
Praise Him now and forever!!

IDENTITY - by Kalhil KJ Adames

A very real and interesting short film.

Notice how she first put on her mask. Why did she put on that mask? Maybe because everyone else had already done so. Peer pressure perhaps? But she was definitely one of the last to put it on.

She tried to wear a mask but how different hers looked. No one else had the same mask as her. She tried to fit in by wearing a mask like everyone else but yet, somewhere within her, there seemed to be a uniqueness she wanted to portray. And because of this uniqueness, she was alone, unblended... She did not belong to any cliques. 

Notice too how each clique had its own mask design. What was most striking was how another lady portrayed removed her top mask to reveal another mask when she moved to another clique. And if these masks represent our identities, how she had to change her identity to fit into a different group.

And all through this period with her mask on, her small, inhibited gestures signalled insecurities, uncertainties, reservations. She appeared so closed in on herself, intimidated by what she saw around her. Perhaps, worried about how others saw and thought of her, concerned if she was doing the "right" thing according to the norms.

Everyone in the classroom had a mask. Everyone except the teacher. 
She was flipping her sketchbook, which showed a little girl standing with her mother while the father was leaving. And the teacher's voice went, "All their lives, from their childhood, they've been chained up in a way that they cannot move their bodies. And all they can see in front of them is a dark wall. Because they have never been outside of this cave, all they know about life is this dark wall." Among all the students in class, she was the only one who appeared to be listening to the teacher, taking in what was being said, maybe even moved inside by what she heard. 

How apt that he was teaching about Plato's allegory of the cave, of how people only know what they have been exposed to... until they step out of the cave and see what else is out there, until they see how else life can be. 

On the wall along a school corridor hung a banner that ran, "This is what beautiful looks like", accompanied by a model wearing a yellow mask. Right in front of this banner, a group of girls had gathered, each with a similar yellow mask, flipping their hair, looking up at the model as if to check that they have followed the advertisement's description of beautiful.

In another classroom lesson, the teacher was teaching about the game of chess, of how people in power use those powerless "pawns" to their advantage. 

Later, she found herself running to the washroom, had a fall, and broke her mask. After a brief moment of panic, she composed herself and took the step to remove her mask. A smile appeared on her face as she looked into the mirror. As she looked and recognised who she really was. And she said, "Today, the truth found me." In contrast with what she said on the day she put on her mask, "Today, I found the truth." She threw down the mask and walked out, and along the way, everyone paused and stared at her. Some gestured their anger and disbelief at how she could be out without her mask. However, she walked and she walked with confidence and certainty, no longer afraid of the stares, the opinions, the rejections. She was who she was and she was confident of that. 

How liberating it is to remove that mask!!

I find this film very thought-provoking. There are so many questions to reflect on.

Do you wear a mask? Maybe even masks?

What masks do we wear?

Why do we wear masks? 
What are we trying to mask? 
What was in that childhood that chained us in the cave, preventing our bodies from moving to seek? To dare to move, to seek, to find? 
What are our emotional baggages that hold us rooted in our caves?

How differently do we behave when we are with different people? 
Perhaps, we may even find ourselves speaking with a different accent when conversing with different people? 
Perhaps, we are extra polite when speaking with some kind of people?

What image are we trying to portray? 
Whose image are we trying to live out? 
Who defines our schemas? 
Who defines what is beautiful for instance?
Who are those "kings" and "queens" controlling us as pawns? 
Perhaps, for their own profit-making and ego-inflation? 

Have we really found the truth in life? 
Have we allowed the truth to find us, to convince us, that we have been living in our caves and not seeing what lies beyond, how else life can be, that we need not follow all these norms and trends?

Fundamentally, who are you? Have you found yourself?

I Am Who I Am

A child grabbed her test paper and ran excitedly to her dad who had just returned home that evening. Without even checking the look on her dad's face, she happily exclaimed, "See, dad, I scored full marks for my Math test!!" And waited eagerly for a praise, an affirmation. But all her father did was to take the paper, place it on one side of the dining table and said, "Sharon, I'm very tired from work. Don't bother me now, please. I'll sign the paper later. We have given you so much tuition. Of course you would have gotten full marks. I'll be really mad if you did not!" Needless to say, the girl went away with tears in her eyes, disappointed. Her spirit was crushed. 

It is easy to empathise with this little girl who had truly put in effort to perfect her Math but perhaps, because of her dad's mood at that time, because he had a bad day, her excellent performance was so conveniently watered-down. 

In my most recent retreat, I came to notice how I praise God according to my moods too. When I feel good and encouraged, I have not much problems thanking God for the wonders He has done for me. But in down moments, at least when I don't "feel like it", I cannot seem to praise and thank God in the same manner. And I found this upsetting. After all, like how this father's mood has no relation to the reality of his child's good performance, God's goodness and greatness is not dependent on my mood. 

He is God whether or not we doubt that. He is good and great without conditions. And I believe it is important and necessary to separate our emotions from realities. Realities are realities, no matter how we feel about it. They are objective. This girl in the story has done well, whether or not she received any acknowledgment for her achievements, whether or not she was helped tremendously by her tutor, regardless of any and every other factor. 

And so it is too when we approach God. Can we see Him for who He is and not through the tainted lenses of our life circumstances? Or do we take ourselves so seriously that we see only ourselves and no one else? Like this father who could only see his own tiredness. Sure, he is truly tired, he had a bad day at work. But is that all there is in the whole world at that time that there is nothing else he can see? How about the excitement in his daughter's eyes, the hunger for his affirmation and approval? If he could be more aware of what is happening beyond himself.

And so I began with this awareness and made a choice in each song of praise that God IS good and great despite how I am feeling and what I am experiencing in that moment. I shifted my focus away from myself and unto the reality of God's goodness and greatness. Because I was by the sea in many occasions during that retreat, I seemingly "gathered" the goodness and majesty in the mesmerising nature before my eyes and lifted up everything, including myself, to God in a song of praise, acknowledging that He is good, whether or not we are. It was truly a moment of grace to come to this realisation and change.

Do you thank and praise God according to your moods and life experiences?
How is God good even amidst the down moments of your life? And how can you forget yourself more to praise God for who He is?

Persecution of Christians

There seems to be an increasing persecution of Christians around the world. I just learnt that it is also taking place in Hong Kong. 

Reminds me of this pretty old song by Mariah Carey. These words strike me particularly... 

"There's a light in me that shines brightly... There's an inner peace I own; something in my soul that they cannot possess... They can't take this precious love I'll always have inside me. Certainly, the Lord will guide me where I need to go."

This "light", "inner peace", this "precious love"... it is Jesus Himself. 
They can take away our symbols, our lives... but they cannot take away the truth of God and the values that the world's balance hangs upon. Certainly, they cannot take away our God in us. 

They can separate our heads from our bodies and drain out our blood that soaks the earth... but "Can anything cut us off from the love of Christ -- can hardships or distress, or persecution, or lack of food and clothing, or threats or violence; as scripture says: For your sake we are being massacred all day long, treated as sheep to be slaughtered? No; we come through all these things triumphantly victorious, by the power of him who loved us. For I am certain of this: neither death nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nothing already in existence and nothing still to come, nor any power, nor the heights nor the depths, nor any created thing whatever, will be able to come between us and the love of God, known to us in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:35-39

Here's an excerpt from an article in this week's Catholic News: 

Catholics urged to 'hold firm' as religious symbols removed - 
"... the government has cracked down on Christianity in this city of more than 3 million people although the reason remains unknown... On Aug 3, Hong Kong's South China Morning Post reported local pastors saying that in the last seven months, at least three churches have been demolished and more than 160 crosses, including some at Catholic churches, were taken down because they exceeded the size allowed by the local government." 
~ Catholic News Singapore Vol 64 No. 17

Grant Us Your Peace - Prayer - Iraq's Christian Genocide

Dear Jesus, 

I come with nothing much at all. No political power or army, no wealth or influence. Nothing but my pleas, my imperfect love and my helplessness. And that's nothing much at all. But do hear me as I pray. 

See, Your people suffering, dying for Your sake. Your heart is pierced through as You watch Your people massacred, beheaded. 

See, this brutality. These, who no longer feel their conscience. They are Your children too, no? Are you not angry with these murderers? Do you not want to send down fire to burn them all into ashes? Or order a plague upon them like You did to the Egyptians? 

Yet, have I come to know You enough to glimpse a little into Your Sacred Heart? Watching them in their evil deeds and still, You love them with everything You are and desire for their souls to be saved. Your heart is pierced through even more as You watch them disfigure themselves, disfigured increasingly from Your image and likeness. Tears, streaming from Your eyes without stop. The wrenching pain in Your heart does not cease.

See, too, my heavy heart, my sadness. My helplessness. My self-doubts that I can ever witness to You in such a martyrdom. My hidden hope that You will never put me through such a test because I know I might fail You. See my distracted heart that will soon forget the plight of my faraway brothers and sisters until the next article I read or the next invitation to another prayer session. My hypocrisy that pleads for Your help for my dying fellow Christians but puts aside the long overdue reconciliations with those whose lives I have taken by my unChristlike thoughts, words and deeds. 

See, Jesus Dear, those in power who are too calculative to lend a hand. Too afraid to speak up, to get implicated. See, too, those others who go on living in their indifferences. 

But should we go to war? To fight a war with war? Should we start dropping bombs to wipe out Your people? Surely, there must be a more loving solution. Surely, You can do something. Maybe, in my mind is the thought of what You did to Saul on the road to Damascus. Maybe, I wish for a quick-fix, a dramatic and radical conversion of the whole world. But maybe, this isn't what You would do this time. Maybe, You want something more subtle, more thorough. 

And so, Lord, teach us Your ways and move our hearts. Move the hearts of those to whom You have allotted power and authority to intervene and save. 

Give us courage not to run from our sadness. Give us a compassionate concern to be in solidarity with those suffering through our prayers for them.  

Open the eyes of conscience of those who have gone astray, knock on the door of their hearts and plant in them the realisation of what they are truly doing. 

For those who have turned their backs on You like Peter did in the face of threat, grant them the grace to forgive themselves. Let not their destiny be like Judas' on the tree, not even as they live on in this life. Strengthen their faith in the silence of their hearts like You did to Nicodemus who came to You in the night. And fill them with Your Pentecostal Spirit. 

For those who have been killed, do not let their souls wander restlessly and bitterly but bring every one of them into Your comforting embrace, there to share in Your eternal glory. 

And for those who are going to die this moment on, ever-loving Jesus, stay close to them, hold them with Your graces. That they will make perfect Your image and likeness in them by repeating after You, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they are doing. Into Your hands, I commend my spirit." By this, to bear the greatest witness that You are the One True God, the God of infinite love and mercy, and render unto You the glory of Your name.

Finally, after speaking so much and laying out a to-do-list for You, let me at last be silent. Let me sit here with You for a while, my dear Jesus. With Your aching and bleeding heart. To be with You and feel with You, to tear with You and to love with You. 

Grant us all Your peace. 
Amen.

Hanging or Hanged

What do you think of sufferings? 
How do you normally react towards emotional pain?

Consider these... 

Can you sit side by side with sufferings and look at it in the eye, no matter how long that may last?

Or would your immediate reaction be to reject it and run far away from it? 

Maybe you would panic, lose control of your emotions which then grow into a tornado within your mind, tossing around everything it finds in its way? 

Or perhaps, you would refuse to let it take up your time and energy, and so you gather yourself together and get on with life? 

What do you do with the pain you feel? That yucky, awful, uncomfortable prick that sometimes grow beyond into a thorough pierce through your heart. A bleeding that sees no blood, an ache that painkillers cannot reach.

------------------------------------

No one likes to suffer and we would avoid it as best as we can. To do so, we device many defence mechanisms to keep pain out, or at least to temporarily not feel it. Be it to get high on drinks, blast the music, become very task-oriented... anything that would distract us from noticing the pain. 

Anything but sitting with the pain and allowing ourselves to feel its total intensity. We break records in our marathon run from our pains but... what are we really running from? If the pain is within us and we are running away from this pain, then isn't it true that we are also running away from our own selves? And if we run away from pain and ourselves, can we possibly grow in our union with Christ, who is most familiar with pain, most acquainted with sufferings? And so too, we are running away from God, and this cannot be life-giving. 

------------------------------------

Today in one of my lessons, a student stood in front of me for her music test. She comes in leggings everyday because her eczema condition is severe. Looking at the rash covering her arms, her face, surrounding her eyes, my heart melted and ached. It pricked and it pricked, over and over. 

Beyond the physical itch and annoyance, I cannot imagine what emotional pain she must be going through each time she looks at herself in the mirror, each time she scratches and tears her skin. Each time she tries a medication with a hope for a cure, only to be left disappointed once again, helpless. I got connected with her sufferings and the growing sparkle in my eyes almost gave me away. 

In that moment... I touched the sacred heart of Jesus. My heart merged with His for a while in that divine encounter. Sensus Christi, the sensing of Christ that St Paul speaks: that I may feel with your feelings, with the sentiments of your heart, which basically are love for your Father and love for humanity. 

If looking at her sufferings with my imperfect love could move my heart so much, how much more does Jesus' heart bleed when He watches us suffer?

For the first time, I could sense at least a small percentage of what God feels towards His people. I could feel how it pierces His heart just as it did to mine today.

It was an encounter with Jesus whose heart continues to be pierced through by our sins, our sufferings and pains. It was an encounter made possible only because I know suffering. And only by God's abundant graces, have sat side by side in many occasions with my pains, to look at them face to face, and invited the healing presence of God into the very midst of them. That somehow, God continues to invite and encourage me to throw open the gates of my heart to choose love, to choose vulnerability, because invulnerability leads to death. 

------------------------------------

Sufferings have the ability to form us interiorly in a very special and significant way. It grows us into compassionate beings, increasingly into the image and likeness of our Creator. It grows our hearts into the heart of Christ. We begin to feel with Him, to feel like Him, to love like Him. 

Jesus, in His last hours, faced immense sufferings. He could have done many things to escape the sufferings. But He chose none of it, only to hang. To hang there with hands outstretched. This hanging, this total submission to feel the extent of His pain and suffering, physical and most of all, emotional. This hanging which moves His heart to know the hidden pain of Man, and which then allowed Him to go even a step further to forgive and intercede for His own executioners and accusers. 

This same hanging we are invited to do in our own pain, our own down moments. Not to run, not to busy ourselves or complain, but to hang. To allow our hearts to be formed in compassion and love, patience and wisdom, discipline and courage. To allow our hearts to grow into the heart of Christ. 

Thus, do not fear pain which can only paralyse but cannot kill. We ought to be more fearful of what we do or don't do with our pains because these decisions can either lead to life in Christ or make us emotionally and spiritually hanged.

source

Will you sit side by side with sufferings and look at it in the eye, no matter how long that may last?

Faulty Trains, Love Derailed

source

It was one of those news that would set the citizens talking, criticising and complaining again. And indeed, it caused much inconveniences to many. Yesterday evening, a train with a brake fault resulted in trains travelling at a speed slower than usual. The eventual delay added 20 minutes to travelling time. 

While the fault was primarily within the faulty train, the deeper cause of this incident and the recurring interruptions to the public transport system may be rooted elsewhere. And its ripple effects are surely felt by many more. If a passenger has a tight schedule to keep to, an urgent matter to see to, the consequences may be direr and more difficult to manage than the good an apology can bring about.

In fact, apart from a faulty train, there are many other instances in which we have encountered the malfunctioning of something and the consequences it brings. A mobile phone dropped onto the road resulted in a cracked screen, a toothbrush’s bristles pointing in every direction but upright, a pillow that has flattened to half its height. There are many. And we know that once something loses its ability to function as it was made to, it will no longer be as useful as it could be. Something is just not right about it; it is no longer whole.

This which we notice about things. Can we recognise a similar pattern in people too? In the relationships we share? How we manifest a certain kind of behaviour we can never understand why? Until we dig a lot deeper within ourselves and find the deeper cause rooted in some other issues that never got resolved. And what ripple effects it must also cause others, damaging precious relationships.

Take for instance a person with commitment issues. The behaviour manifested – inability to commit in big and small matters. Unwillingness to marry someone one has been dating for more than a decade, just to name one example. The deeper question to ask is, “Why?” And in this case, what do I resist about entering into marriage with this person who is a good match for me? What is holding me back? What is the real cause?

One of the causes of commitment issues, if it is not the only, is invulnerability. To be unwilling and not daring to let ourselves be in a vulnerable position where we can be hurt. Certainly, no one chooses to be hurt and it is unwise to go around looking for hurts too. But to guard ourselves so that we will not get hurt, that no one will cause us to feel down, is a fatal defence mechanism that many people have come to learn and practice subconsciously.

It is fatal because we can only be hurt when we love, when the gates of our hearts are opened. To guard ourselves from hurt is a choice against love, to close tight our hearts so that other people will no longer influence and affect how we feel. So even if we cannot keep them far from us geographically, especially if they live under the same roof as us, then at least we keep at a distance from our hearts. 

And to choose not to love is to choose to die, to be zombified. We are made out of love, for love. Love is the energy that fuels our minds, bodies, hearts and souls; our lives! As the late Pedro Arrupe, SJ wrote:

Nothing is more practical than finding God, 

than falling in Love in a quite absolute, final way. 

What you are in love with, 

what seizes your imagination, 

will affect everything. 

It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning, 

what you do with your evenings, 

how you spend your weekends, 

what you read, 

whom you know, 

what breaks your heart, 

and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. 

Fall in Love, 

stay in love, 

and it will decide everything.

People are afraid to love because of the fear of getting hurt. And this is because they have tasted hurt and know how awful it feels. The paranoia of having to experience such pain again can make us shut ourselves in and others out. So in our example, a person facing commitment issues may well be guarding himself against this vulnerability. If I believe that marriage is lifelong, then marriage means lifelong vulnerability. Because although I love this person now, what if it does not work out well? I cannot run, cannot escape. I am stuck and susceptible to more and deeper hurts. Scary and too huge a risk to take. 

Hurts left unhealed, unprocessed bring no growth in a person. On the contrary, they stifle, inhibit and cage us within those very wounds. We suppress and lose the ability to name those hurts, to know what is not right inside us. Something is just not right within; not whole anymore. That brake fault in the train, my anger that cannot find peace, insecurities that cannot find assurance, impulsiveness that cannot find control. 

Perhaps many Singaporeans will be pointing their fingers at the staff of SMRT for the lack of maintenance, for not responsibly ensuring the smooth running of the trains. Maybe the management will be looking downwards at the mechanics. Somewhere, somehow, whoever it may be, there is a missing link, a weakest link. Something else is not right that has caused the train to be recurringly faulty. Somewhere deeper within us, there might be something not right, not whole, causing the various manifestations in our unloving behaviours, words and thoughts. Until we decide to find and resolve those issues that lie deeper in us, these manifestations will keep recurring. Trains will keep breaking down. Relationships continue to be damaged because of our unloving. We cannot function as we are made to - to love. 

What is there in your deeper self that makes you less than whole? 

How can you seek good guidance to journey towards wholeness?

Que Sera Sera - Doris Day

I was reminded of this childhood song. After all these years, I'm just beginning to understand how difficult yet essential it is to say "que sera sera, whatever will be, will be".

This song points out a "whatever" attitude in the different stages of one's life - as a child, young adult in love, and as a parent. She is looking ahead into the uncertain future, wondering what is out there for her. She wishes to see what is there. Perhaps then life's transitions from child to teenager, teenager to adulthood, adulthood to parenthood will not be so unknown and frightening. 

And as her mother taught her, and she in turn passes this teaching to the next generation, the future is not for us to see. It takes one to the point of accepting this human limitation that we cannot predict the future. There are things beyond our understanding and knowledge. We only know that what will be will be. And in the eyes of faith, we know that God is in charge and because of His infinite love for us, whatever that will be must be for our good, for our betterment and not destruction. 

And so explains this indifference. Not in the manner of not caring or getting emotionally involved in what life will turn out to be. As the Chinese would say, "bo-chap" attitude. But an indifference because my life has been entrusted into the hands of God and thus, whatever, wherever, however, whenever, whoever... matters not. So long as His will be done. So long as its"Why" finds its answer only in love - love for God. 

It gives us great freedom when we arrive at this point in our faith journey to be able to sing this song of such an indifference. "Que sera sera. Whatever will be, will be. The future's not ours to see. Que sera sera. What will be, will be." To be able to say, "I don't know. But that's perfectly okay!" or, "It is unfortunate that this happened. I'm very disappointed. But that's okay!" 

That's okay because God is in control and He knows what He's doing. I give in to His love and let it enter and overpower my fears and anxieties.

Let us pray for this grace of faith and indifference. 

The Wind Beneath My Wings

Have you ever watched an eagle glide in the air? How it spends a lot of time in a day just opening its wings and letting the strong winds take it to great heights?

It is truly amazing that the eagle displays such a behaviour although perhaps, we can say it does not have the capacity to analyse and evaluate its actions, and neither can it make an examination of its inner motivations for doing so.  

But any hunter will know just how much an eagle's spreading of wings will increase his chances of spotting this animal and shooting it. It increases the eagle's surface area, making it more visible while on the move too. It makes the eagle more vulnerable to everything else in its surroundings. 

And this vulnerability is striking. It allows the eagle to effortlessly remain in the air for a very long period of time. It flaps its wings several times and then let the wind carry it up and around. You would see that at times, the eagles are not even circling the air. They simply remain very much in the same position, or sometimes, the wind can even carry them backwards. 

All of which speaks to me the invitation to imitate the eagle in my relationship with God. To let God be to me as the wind is to the eagle. The invitation to open wide my arms, rest in His love and let Him take me. To let His love take me wherever He wills, with an indifference in my heart, my will surrendered over to Him. And all I need to do is to wait, listen and respond. Not to "effortize", not to force out a path that isn't there, not to initiate a step before God shines the spotlight onto the way. 

This spreading of wings, opening of arms. It is also the same physical position Jesus took when He hung upon the cross, the same inner disposition of surrendering to the Father. Of total vulnerability. It was also the invitation to Peter at the sea of Tiberias, as Jesus said...  

John 21: 18-19
"In all truth I tell you, when you were young, you put on your own belt and walked where you liked; but when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands, and somebody else will put a belt round you and take you where you would rather not go. In these words he indicated the kind of death by which Peter would give glorify God. After this he said, 'Follow me.'"

Within this invitation is the call to a process of maturing our faith. When our faith "grow(s) old", we will arrive at the conviction that our trust is absolutely safe when it is placed in God. While this conviction cannot be forced upon ourselves, it arises because our hearts have been sufficiently opened to acknowledge the wonders God has done for us in our lives, even amidst our down and out moments, our hurts and sufferings. 

When we can see and humbly admit that we deserve eternal condemnation by our sins, when we neither deny nor discount the terrible effects our sins have caused our victims. But yet, in our sinfulness, God continues to love us through the many blessings He still showers upon us. When we discipline our hearts to recognise with gratitude the hand of God in our lives, and not take for granted what we have. 

When we contemplate on the Gospels and realise how God continually refuses to let us, His people, go. How He steps over every boundary to call us home to our heavenly Father. Then we will grow. Grow in intimate knowledge, a deep knowledge in our hearts, of who God truly is. And faith grows out of this growing familiarity with Him who loves the imperfect us with His perfect love. Faith grows when we grow to trust in this love, and to surrender our insecurities to this love. 

Then, we need no longer be that little sparrow that has to flap its wings so vigorously and incessantly just to get from one point to another. We can trust the wind to take us. We can be free to allow ourselves to be taken. We need not try so hard, too hard. And when we are held up high in the air without having to fuss over the tiresome flapping of our wings, we can enjoy the beautiful scenery around us. Such freedom. When we need not focus all our energy on the endless doings in our everyday life, when we can let go to make space in our hearts for faith. When we need not be so guarded all the time from the uncertainties of the next moment. We are liberated. Life becomes a journey to savour and enjoy. No longer tiresome and burdensome. 

Just as Jesus said in this Sunday's Gospel (14th Sunday in ordinary time), "Come to me, all you who labour and are overburdened, and i will give you rest."

Since God's love will give us all that is good, we need only to keep in touch with Him, wait patiently, listen attentively and respond positively when He shows the way. And when He shows the way, it may not be the way we had in mind or desire to take. It need not be smooth and painless. Scary as this is, the path will nonetheless be laid out with every grace we need for the journey, which will ensure our own salvation because our salvation, our coming home to our Father, is what God desires for us. And the Spirit of God will accompany us. 

Stretching out our hands, making ourselves totally vulnerable to the evil that surrounds us in this world. Getting hurt, coming to Jesus for healing, and then choosing again to continue forgiving and loving. This is the death to which Jesus invites us. "Follow me," He said to Peter and now to us. Our martyrdom. Our discipleship. Making real our commitment to follow Christ. Death to ourselves - our gateway into the everlasting glory of God.  

We can only be vulnerable when our hearts are opened and filled with the life and love of God.

How has God loved you in small and big ways?

Imagine for a moment that you are that eagle soaring high. No agenda. No cages. 
Freely soaring. Freely be-ing. Allowing the wind to hold you up.

How do you feel?

What is preventing you from feeling this way in the reality of your life?

How is God inviting you to rest in His love?
Where in your life is He asking you to stretch open your arms and let Him take you?

Between Taking Charge & Letting Go

What I can remember of Fr Jojo Magadia SJ's homily this afternoon:

We are called to Christian leadership and yet, we face the tension between taking charge and letting go. Jesus in today's Gospel teaches us to let go when He said, "... foxes have holes and the birds of the air have nests but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head (not eggs)."

We can make plans and decisions for the future but along the way, it is God who will move us. 

Letting go frees up space in our hearts for faith. 
___________________________________________________________

How often do I insist on my way, forcing my plans through, even when doors still remain shut. 

How often do I resist surrendering to the will of God because I see a "greater" and even a more "noble", "holier" result in following my will instead.  

How often do I hang on to my will because God's will has too much uncertainties.

And yet, in these times, I am called to an act of faith. 

To let go of my pride and stubbornness, fears and worries, anxieties and apprehensions. To let go of me so that the Spirit of God can come under my opened, surrendered arms and carry me to where His will is. And where His will is is where He Himself is found. Only in giving in to the love of God can I open my arms and allow Him to take me. And then... and only then... I shall live and remain in Him.

"Only in love can I find you, my God. 
In love, the gates of my soul spring open, allowing me to breathe a new breath of freedom..."
~ Karl Rahner, SJ

Finding the Big Rock on Lantau

A Eurasian guy came up to me at the Path of Wisdom on Lantau island, Hong Kong, asking, "Do you know how I may get to the big rock? I remember coming by this way the last time I came and stood on the rock which overlooks the big Buddha. But I can't seem to find that path anymore."

Seriously, I had no idea where this big huge rock was. I didn't even know if it existed. So after looking through the map, I had to disappoint him with my 'no'. He went away after trying again in vain to recall the path that led to his rock. After all, it was 8 years ago that he was there. Maybe the rock was moved by the local authorities because it became unsafe to stand on?

From where I was, the path leading up the hill looked deserted and though I was very curious, wisdom told me not to go up alone though the herd of cows had already made their descent. I did tell the guy maybe he should go to the other side of the mountain and maybe it's there, since the other side leads to Lantau peak, from which, I thought, he would more logically be able to see the Buddha statue. But I guess he didn't because he was certain it wasn't on that side.

After some time, I made my way across a link, onto the other mountain across. Looking back from the opposite side of the Path of Wisdom, I actually saw that huge rock that man was asking me about. It was right on top of the hill and I could roughly make out the path leading to it too. I was filled with excitement and wanted to go tell the guy but I could not find him anywhere. If he had stayed on to search, if he had taken my suggestion to go to the other side of the mountain, he would have found it one way or another. He must have gone away really disappointed. 

All of which made me reflect on "SEARCHING". 

When we lose something, when we want to find something we long for, to what lengths do we go to search for it? Especially in the journey of faith. 

We search, we cannot find, we are disappointed, we feel discouraged. There's still hope.
We search again, we still cannot find, we are more disappointed and more discouraged. Hope is dwindling. 
We make one last search, God is still beyond reach. Throw in the towel. Enough. God's love is only given to some, and I'm not one of them.

If we continue searching, try a different path, go on trekking to another side, would we not find what is guaranteed to be there? Tracing through the paths of our memory for clues and signposts. Would we not find Jesus? Would He not find us?

Sometimes, we found Him but for some reason, some fault of ours, we lost Him again... and again. We got lost. We got distracted and lost him. We didn't know how to stay with Him and wandered off. And more often than not, by the time we realise we have gone off far on our own, we find ourselves helpless, hopeless, without a compass and a map. The task of finding our way back is daunting. Where do I put my foot next? In which direction? Where is north?

The good thing about many national parks is that there are park rangers, maps, signposts. I could gather wood, create a smoke signal, do something that helps others find me. 

Sometimes when I get lost, feel so far away from God and cannot find my way back to Him, I call out to my Father and tell Him that I really don't know the way home, asking if He would come get me. And He always does. He will somehow open my heart to accept and receive His embrace, His forgiveness and affirmation of His unconditional love. And in that breaking moment, I know I am home again, like the prodigal son in the Gospel parable. 

I go to my spiritual director and chat with mentors and spiritual companions. I stumble and fumble and stumble some more in prayer, trying to pray "right". I read books that point the way to God. I go for a jog and breathe in the love of God in nature, which energises me for the next few pages of life. 

And yet, even with these, many times, I still cannot find God. Not because He cannot be found but that I did not want to be found, though on the surface, I am doing the seemingly necessary things to find God again. Maybe because there are unpleasant feelings I don't want to feel, the ugliness of my own self that I would rather not confront, the messiness of my life that I just don't feel like looking at.  

But then, when I run, I can never be found. I can never live in the loving embrace of God. If I allow God to find me, if I go out in search of Him, I will certainly find Him waiting there. I will certainly find Him with arms wide open, to welcome, love, heal, forgive and shower blessings. He will overturn my life not to leave me in shambles but so that He can reorder and rearrange it beautifully. 

What joy that tourist would have experienced if he had finally stood there on that rock, looking down at the valleys, across at the mountains, and upon the magnificent statue of the Buddha. 

Jesus is that Treasure, which, when found, will lead us to sell away all our possessions to buy it. 

Question is... 
How serious are we in our search?
Do we really want God to find us?
To what lengths are you willing to go to have this Treasure?

Stepping Into The Barrel

source

A tightrope walker was about to cross between 2 skyscrapers on a tightrope and all the onlookers were aroused with excitement and anticipation. He took his first step and some time later, confidently arrived at the end of the rope. Everyone cheered with a sense of relief and amazement. Then, he announced that he was going to attempt something even more difficult. He was going to walk on a beer barrel on the tightrope. This got the audiences even more excited than before. 

Before attempting this dangerous fit, he asked a lady in the crowd, "Do you believe that I can make it across on the barrel?" And the lady replied instantly, "Yes, definitely, I do! I've watched you and believe you can do it!" The man said, "Since you believe in me, would you step into the barrel and let me walk you across?" The excitement on the lady's face dropped immediately. 

To believe IN someone is to bet our lives on that person. It entails our personal involvement in what or who we say we believe in. 

If this tightrope walker is not just any human person but is Jesus Himself, will this be sufficient for me to get into the barrel? Will this be sufficient for you to get into the barrel? Will you entrust your life that completely? It is one thing to believe in the existence of God and another to believe IN God. Just as this lady in the story above believes in the skill of the tightrope walker (no personal involvement) but is unable to bet her life on him (now her life depended on him). 

When I say that I believe in Jesus, when I say that I believe in God, when you proclaim too that you do each time you say the Creed, each time we make the sign of the cross, ... let us make a more deliberate effort to be conscious of how completely or not we are letting go of our fears and need for certainty to bet our lives on God. And if we realise that a part of us still holds back, still prevents us from getting into that barrel, or that we might enter the barrel but drill a hole to peek out for any signs of danger, could it be that we have not encountered Jesus sufficiently to be assured of his trustworthiness, of his love that wills not for our disaster but our flourishing? 

Then, what avenues can we take to encounter Jesus more deeply? To grow in our intimate knowledge of who He really is?