I Am Who I Am

A child grabbed her test paper and ran excitedly to her dad who had just returned home that evening. Without even checking the look on her dad's face, she happily exclaimed, "See, dad, I scored full marks for my Math test!!" And waited eagerly for a praise, an affirmation. But all her father did was to take the paper, place it on one side of the dining table and said, "Sharon, I'm very tired from work. Don't bother me now, please. I'll sign the paper later. We have given you so much tuition. Of course you would have gotten full marks. I'll be really mad if you did not!" Needless to say, the girl went away with tears in her eyes, disappointed. Her spirit was crushed. 

It is easy to empathise with this little girl who had truly put in effort to perfect her Math but perhaps, because of her dad's mood at that time, because he had a bad day, her excellent performance was so conveniently watered-down. 

In my most recent retreat, I came to notice how I praise God according to my moods too. When I feel good and encouraged, I have not much problems thanking God for the wonders He has done for me. But in down moments, at least when I don't "feel like it", I cannot seem to praise and thank God in the same manner. And I found this upsetting. After all, like how this father's mood has no relation to the reality of his child's good performance, God's goodness and greatness is not dependent on my mood. 

He is God whether or not we doubt that. He is good and great without conditions. And I believe it is important and necessary to separate our emotions from realities. Realities are realities, no matter how we feel about it. They are objective. This girl in the story has done well, whether or not she received any acknowledgment for her achievements, whether or not she was helped tremendously by her tutor, regardless of any and every other factor. 

And so it is too when we approach God. Can we see Him for who He is and not through the tainted lenses of our life circumstances? Or do we take ourselves so seriously that we see only ourselves and no one else? Like this father who could only see his own tiredness. Sure, he is truly tired, he had a bad day at work. But is that all there is in the whole world at that time that there is nothing else he can see? How about the excitement in his daughter's eyes, the hunger for his affirmation and approval? If he could be more aware of what is happening beyond himself.

And so I began with this awareness and made a choice in each song of praise that God IS good and great despite how I am feeling and what I am experiencing in that moment. I shifted my focus away from myself and unto the reality of God's goodness and greatness. Because I was by the sea in many occasions during that retreat, I seemingly "gathered" the goodness and majesty in the mesmerising nature before my eyes and lifted up everything, including myself, to God in a song of praise, acknowledging that He is good, whether or not we are. It was truly a moment of grace to come to this realisation and change.

Do you thank and praise God according to your moods and life experiences?
How is God good even amidst the down moments of your life? And how can you forget yourself more to praise God for who He is?