Allocutio - Evangelization - Being a Sheep

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Do you recall your parents saying to you as a child, “You must listen to mummy and daddy, we know what is good for you”? When mummy and daddy said, “Don’t go there… don’t do that… be polite,” what were our responses? Some of you are parents now and you might also find yourself saying similar things to your children. Only because you have gained much life experiences over the years and you hope for your kids to be attentive to what you have to say in order for them to be well-guided as they carve out their own life story. You know what would help their stories to be beautiful and meaningful. Parents know best.

Yesterday, we celebrated Good Shepherd Sunday or Vocation Sunday. I was blessed to be at the St. Joseph feast day to listen to the inspiring homily of Fr Lionel from Malacca. He highlighted that “shepherds” do not just refer to the priests and religious, and their answering the call of God to this specific way of life. Each one of us is a shepherd. Parent to a child, elder sibling to a younger, grandparent to grandchild, CEO to subordinates, uncles and aunties to nieces and nephews. In so many different ways, we play the role of a shepherd to others. He also mentioned that to be shepherds, we need first to be sheep. We need to listen to our Shepherd.

Shema Yisrael! Hear O Israel! Deuteronomy 6:4

“Shema Yisrael” are the first two words of a section of the Torah, and is the title of the prayer that Jews say in the morning and evening everyday.

When a scribe asked Jesus which is the first of all commandments, Jesus replied, “This is the first: Listen, Israel, the Lord our God is the one, only Lord…” Mk 12:29

It is so important to listen to Jesus. How else can we be guided to live a beautiful and meaningful life? To be attentive, to be still and quiet, patient and well-disposed. To pay attention to what is stirring within, what the soft voice of God is trying to say to us.

When I am feeling mad at someone, which would be more life-giving for me and those around me? To go on being oblivious, unaware and throwing my anger at innocent parties? Or to sit still for a few minutes, listen to the anger within, listen to how God is inviting me to respond to this feeling? Perhaps He is helping me to understand the situation in another perspective or to understand the person who caused the anger, so that the fire in me can be extinguished and I need no longer be held captive by it.

When I see a child always wetting the bed at night, which would be more life-giving? To reprimand and punish her or to listen a little deeper at what this might be telling me of her inner struggles and difficulties, and attend to these?

The Good Samaritan acted the way he did because he listened. He listened to the voice within that told him of the suffering of the victim. He listened to the voice within that told him how sorry he felt for the victim. To the voice that told him he would not be able to be at peace if he were to pass by and do nothing to help. He listened too to the inability of the poor man to pay for his medical care, and to the voice that told him to give beyond. He listened and acted.

We listen so that we can respond instead of react. To respond in life-giving ways that also give glory to God. Isn’t it true that it is precisely in the need for our response that we have a platform to live out our baptismal promises and our Christian values? We listen to the plight of suffering people, to needs and respond by sharing what we have, be it wealth, time or energy. We listen, we allow our hearts to be moved, and we act. We listen, we learn and we grow. We listen, we change our ways, we inch closer to God.

Mary too was a woman who listened so attentively to God. To every word the angel spoke, to every teaching of her Son. She listened, kept all in her heart, and responded when the time was right. Listening to Jesus on the cross, she even took in not only John the apostle but the whole human race as her own, despite us being the cause of her dear Son’s death. Perhaps, she heard something deeper than just those words uttered by Jesus. Perhaps, she heard His plea, His deepest love for God’s people; she heard God’s thirst for our souls. And she took it upon herself to be the Mother of the whole world.

Listen, listen deeply, respond. 

How much attention do we pay to listen? 

How may God be inviting us to avail space and time, however small they may be, to listen as a sheep so that we become Good Shepherds?

Vocare Vocation Forum @ Nativity Church

for a vocation promotion sharing @ the Church of the Nativity, 7 May 2017

Can you imagine me in a wedding gown walking down the aisle? That was what I was heading towards with my wedding plans all in place.  Travelling almost every school holiday as a teacher, a job that paid enough for my lifestyle. I was happy. Or so I thought. Inside me, I harboured a lot of bitterness and resentment. And I made life quite miserable for many who crossed my path. Discernment was unknown to me and religious life never crossed my mind.

June 2010 – I went with my church choir for a choral competition and then a short pilgrimage to Rome and Assisi, where I had a radical conversion. I experienced God again in a very profound and unforgettable way after 10 years of not praying daily. My relationship with my fiancé at that time was also quite unstable. I decided to find out what God is calling me to before I enter marriage and regret for the rest of my life if that’s not what His call is for me. So I returned, and with the help of Msgr Philip Heng, SJ, who taught me about discernment, I got my answer in 2 months. God was calling me to the religious life. So I took steps to break the engagement, cancel the wedding plans, settle the forfeitures I had incurred. 

4 years of searching for a congregation, finding answers, trying to hold my life still in my hands. No answers came. I became disillusioned, angry with God. I was anxious, ashamed, fearful of what others may think of me especially since I broke up my engagement for religious life. After a discernment retreat, I decided to be a lay person; God was not calling me to this life anymore.

One day, I had a conversation with Sr Elizabeth (Gd Shepherd Sr). When I walked into Oasis retreat house in the Good Shepherd compound, I felt peace. From then, the desire grew in me to return to that place. This time, being relaxed, without needing to squeeze out any answers from God or from myself, I was more ready to live out the Ignatian Spirituality and rules of discernment that I came to learn and fall in love with. I continued my daily life but watched more closely the inner movements in me - the growing desire and attraction towards the Rgs, which I did not understand why. After some time, when the desire did not fade away, I knew something was up. So I contacted the congregation.

It has been 2 years, 5 months since I moved into the Rgs as aspirant and am now a postulant. There were many times I tried to run away from the call still and there were many reasons to justify it. The call became blurred and I was confused if God's still calling me to this. I made a retreat in February, during which Jesus even told me it’s okay to leave, that He understands and will love me still. But I found myself saying to Him it’s not okay to me; not okay that I give Him anything less than my best. Because I love Him, despite this love being so minute, it is, by grace, enough to make me unable to say “no” to Him. And again by grace, I eventually gave in. And this time, I’m not turning back again.

Allocutio - Evangelization - Love through Forgiveness

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Do you have enemies? I thought for some time and fortunately, I think I don't! So when I hear Jesus say, “Love your enemies”, I am tempted to exempt myself from this commandment. But can I? Jesus has set the extreme situation for us. If He has asked us to love even our enemies, who else then in our lives are we exempted from loving truly? Those non-enemies who I still find annoying and disappointing, … those, who by their action or non-action make me feel the underlying wound of unlove. I don’t need to fight these people in battle but they cause me unpleasant feelings within that I need to struggle with. How do I forget myself and love anyway? How do we bear witness to Christ in all situations to all people so that “…all will know that (we) are (His) disciples” Jn 13:35 and thus, evangelize? Tall order for me! How about you?

During one of my retreats, I found myself one day struggling a great deal with my anger towards a particular person who I found very self-centered, unreliable and therefore, someone I could not trust. Living with such a person was life-depleting and bearing the feelings she triggered in me was tiring. Yet, I was called to love her. I spent a long time complaining to Jesus about her, telling Him how ridiculously impossible it was to love her. After all, she was not going to change. My unspoken condition for loving her was that she needed to change and be better.

But Jesus made it very clear for us to understand in Lk 6:32, 

“If you love those who love you, what credit can you expect? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit can you expect? For even sinners do that much.”

Throughout my complaining to Jesus, reasoning out with Him, even to the point of talking a walk to the beach to ease the tension within, He remained silent. I asked, “Why are You so quiet after I have said so much? Can You say something to help me out of this anger?” I was staring out at sea on the tiny island of Cheung Chau, frustrated at my frustration, and He replied, “Love needs no justification.” Immediately, I shut up. Because I understood. Jesus needs no reason to love us. He loves because He chooses to. That’s it. I'm called to do likewise.

When I cooled down after that, I learned that I cannot love a difficult person without first forgiving her for her wrongs. And the way to forgiveness is to place my own wrongs before me. How have I also been self-centered, unreliable, untrustworthy? When I examined this person’s flaws in my own self, I realized I had failed too in the same way. And just as God loves me in my sinfulness, no one needs to be perfect for me to love them.

Our sins pit us as God’s enemies. Yet, instead of justifiably striking us down, Jesus on the cross even went so far as to give us His mother, who, did not hold it against us for the cruel death of her Son but embraced humanity as her children. Can we ever justify our failure to love anyone, however painful and difficult that may be?

Love needs no justification.

Forgive by first placing my own sins before me.

We are soon approaching Holy Week and in preparation for this, the Church is invited this week especially to penitence. Let us take time to examine our conscience more thoroughly, and enter more deeply into the awareness of how we have hurt Jesus and our relationship with Him. How He has continued to love us despite our failure to return His love. Our depth of sorrow transforms into the depth of joy and refreshment experienced when the priest gives the absolution and we know that our relationship with Jesus has been reset once again. 

"So I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven; hence, she has shown great love. But the one to whom little is forgiven, loves little.” Lk 7:47

By ourselves experiencing the compassionate mercy of God, we can then be compassionate and merciful towards others, so that all will know that we are Christ’s disciples. 

Allocutio for Our Lady of Victories Presidium - 4 April 2017 

Allocutio - Evangelization - Love through Prayer [II]

Allocutio for Our Lady of Victories Presidium - 7 March 2017

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What is the difference between a meeting with a good old friend and potential parents-in-law?

I have had potential parents-in-law before and meeting them brought me more stress than meeting anyone else. Imagine that first meeting! I paid tremendous attention on the way I dressed, sat, ate, and spoke, even on the amount of food I put on my plate. I put my usual flaws before me all the time and watched very carefully not to say anything to give myself away. What a silly insecurity I had, which did not trust that I would be loved for who I am. And so, I had to give the impression that I am virtuous and well-mannered, and will be a good partner and future addition to the family. I needed their approval. And I was not going to be totally transparent and honest about who I am. At least not yet. Maybe not until the relationship develops further to a certain level of trust and comfort. And that is only maybe.

How pleasantly different it is when I think about meeting a good friend instead. I feel immediately at ease. Relaxed. For I know the approval has already been given, in good times and in bad, in my beauty as well as in my ugliness. I trust my good friend to enjoy my strengths and walk with me through my weaknesses. She pains with me in my difficulties and is relieved with me when things turn for the better. All these I am drawn also to do and be for her. Have you encountered such a relationship before?

I dare to tell her how she has hurt me or to argue over a disagreement because I trust in who I mean to her and can feel secure enough to be dead honest. Each encounter is marked by the quality of the time spent together, the depth of sharing invested, and the life and love I (and she) receive from the encounter. There is growth, connection, deepening and I learn more about myself and her and others and God.

Two different meetings, bringing out very different essences of me, and two starkly different experiences and effects on me and the other.

What is prayer like for you? When you meet Jesus and Mary in prayer, who do you meet? Who do you present to them? Do you notice any reservations or discomfort about being your true self in prayer?

In the past 2 weeks, I shared about evangelization, a facilitation of another person’s true encounter with God by being love to the person. Being love by first being loved ourselves, firstly, by God in prayer.

“The object of the Legion of Mary,” as stated on p.11 of the Legion handbook, “is the glory of God through the holiness of its members developed by prayer and active cooperation…” And on p.13, “While on earth her (Mary’s) life was like that of any other, … always, however, she remained intimately united to her Son and cooperated in … the Saviour’s work…”

Jesus invites us to follow Mary’s example of always being intimately united to Him. And a prerequisite of this intimacy is being authentic with Him. He knows all that is in us and already loves us as we are. There is no need to do anything or be anyone to win His love. He desires to be with the real us in our real experiences, not the façade of who we want to be or portray ourselves to be.

So when I am angry, even with Jesus, I tell Him I am angry and complain to Him about Him. When I am hurt and cannot forgive, I tell Him that I know I should forgive this person but right now, no! And I throw my tantrums. Not because He does not already know what is inside me but when I articulate it, I am acknowledging and expressing what is otherwise trapped or suppressed inside. This primarily benefits me. And then in whatever I am experiencing, He speaks, persuades, moves my heart, reveals, guides, loves, heals, forgives.

Some of the fruits of such prayer are a deepening personal relationship with God, our growing into the likeness of God who is love, and the bringing of this love into our relationships with others – evangelization.

Slowly but surely, let us allow ourselves to be loved and filled for the apostolic work by a more authentic prayer life.