The God of My Retreat

A closing of my retreat on Cheung Chau's Xavier House
An attempt to articulate what I cannot articulate

Main chapel of Xavier Retreat House, Cheung Chau, Hong Kong

My infinite God,

When I attempt to gather my days of retreat experiences before Your Blessed Sacrament, desiring to present them all to You, to give thanks and praise You for Your wonderful gift to me, I instead find myself helplessly unable to utter anything that satisfies my need to express all I have inside. Silently, in my heart, with the resounding grandeur of a full choir, I sing a song of my undeserving reception of all the things You've done for me. Yet, even music fails me now.

How can I say thank you to You then, my infinite God? When You so choose to silence me with Your infinite infinity? All I want is to say thank you, that all I've been through in this retreat have been so beautiful; Your precious gift to me. But no matter what I say or sing, whatever words I can string together to express how I truly feel about these days, nothing, absolutely nothing seems to be able to describe my sentiments, my experiences, the You I've encountered. Nothing quite exact or even close. 

How then do I express myself and all I have within me that You have stirred up, trying to find an exit to be released? How can my poor thank you reach You? All I am capable of now is to remain helplessly before You, while Your infinity pierce right through me. 

Yet, Lord, after my impatient listening to the overwhelming sound of Your infinity and enduring its penetration into the depths of my being, maybe it is okay now for me to say thank you. Maybe You're not wanting me to reach Your infinity but to let me be filled with Your divine reality, so that I may know more fully that You are my God. The God of my experiences, the God of my retreat.

And so now, my dear infinite God, I don't mean to say that these words are enough but they are all I can offer to You in my own little human way. For these days of retreat, of encountering You in the most unforgettable way, Lord, thank You. 

True Love in a Shopping Bag

One of my reflections @ Macritchie this morning...

Recently, my sister bought a whole bag load of things and food for me from Japan, where she went for her honeymoon. Reflecting on it, I believe all my sister felt when she was holidaying and shopping was that she loves me and wants me to have what she feels is good and nice and suitable for me. I don't feel that she is buying these for me so that in my next trip, I can buy the same amount for her too. That's definitely not her intention.

From my sister in this experience, I have come to understand again and anew what true loves looks like. True love doesn't expect or demand anything in return. It seeks only to give what best one can give. To share what one has. But love hopes. It hopes for a relationship and a deepening one that is as lasting as one's life can stretch. Love doesn't give in a measure that one can receive in return. 

My sister, among God's many gifts to me especially that of my family and close friends, gives me a glimpse of what God's love looks like. That all He desires is to give me what He knows is good and nice and suitable for me. He doesn't expect or demand my reciprocation but hopes for a relationship with me and a deepening one that lasts for as long as He lives - and that is, through eternity. He seeks only to share His love and all He is with me, giving me the best He can give, and taking a big risk in all these since I don't always understand good and best the way He does and often misunderstand His intentions instead of recognizing His love for me.

For the many gifts God has planted in my life to tell me constantly of His infinite love for me, I give Him thanks, praise and honour. 

All is gift that purposefully speaks to us of the infinite love of our Maker for us... and knowing how He loves us, we are moved to love Him. And yes, He accepts even our imperfect love for Him.

How is God communicating His love for you?